Hi Marla! Thanks so much for the kind words, really happy to hear that the article resonated so much with you. And it’s great to hear that at least in a work context you already have great boundaries, that’s really important and valuable. I totally understand your point on struggling with this with your friends and family, I’ve been in a similar situation in the past. I don’t have a concrete answer to your question, but let me share some thoughts anyway. First of all, I think you have to realize that you should be your own priority. I don’t think this is selfish, certainly not any more selfish than other people expecting you to carry their weight when it ends up draining you. Over the long term, if you don’t make yourself a priority and take care of yourself, you can’t be there for others either. Also, even though they might not appreciate this, you’re not necessarily doing them a favor by being their for them when they need some social distraction. Yes, in some cases they really just might need to talk to someone, but in many cases they are just not willing to face their challenges, or a void left by an underdeveloped leisure life, and are avoiding to face that by seeking social distraction. If they really need help, suggesting in a friendly and caring way to talk to a professional instead could also be good. I started working with a counsellor myself last year, and I believe that EVERYONE can benefit from that, despite the unfortunate stigma that’s still associated with it.
But I know all of these things are easier said than done. In practice, I’d also just recommending taking small steps at a time. Carve out some time here and there for yourself, and completely protect that. If friends are bothered by this, explain to them why this is important to you and what it gives you. Hopefully they understand, and might even be open to try it for themselves. And if they don’t understand, as harsh as this sounds, you might want to ask yourself why these people deserve your time in the first place. But once you have these small pockets of time off in your social life, and get people used to it, try and expand from there.

I hope this is useful. If you want some more practical ideas (and lots of background stories and scientific support), my book Time Off goes into much more detail, and also has a lot of practical and actionable tips of how to build what we call a “rest ethic” :)